Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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