Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
