I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
