I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
