Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
