Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
