:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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