Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
