But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
