he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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