What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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