for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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