Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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