he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
