I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
