Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
