Can i not drive my cunt home
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
