And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The uberlube is also flammable
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
