I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
