Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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