Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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