How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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