dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
