just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
