it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As shirtless as possible
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize