Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
