you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize