I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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