Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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