hotel room ftw
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
