Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
