Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
someone owes me an orgasm
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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