It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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