3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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