Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
