Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
