It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
