You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
