I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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