I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
