I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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