I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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