So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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