so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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