here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
