Can Purell be used as lube?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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