We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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