Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
