my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
