I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
