After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
