Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
