dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
