theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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