You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
