I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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