If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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