I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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