Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
