Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
