I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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