People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
