my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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