Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
