it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
