Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
