We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
