i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize