Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
