I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think your dad took our porno
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
