i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
