I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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