I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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