Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
