we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize