So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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