just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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