I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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