my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
