Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
