oh god the rape fog is back!
...so i touched it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
