You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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