holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
