the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
