JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
