There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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