I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
