I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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