I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize