just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
