I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
