Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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