Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
