I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
