The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
