As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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