I should be sponsored by Trojan
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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