so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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