I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
