dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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