somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just had sex bonerless
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
