I think I am morally bankrupt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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