Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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