Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
