Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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