He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
