theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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