theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
