took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
