its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
