Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
