I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
