We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
